We aspire to lead lives of balance, full of energy, and marked by authenticity. But how do we achieve this life? One crucial answer lies in setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries are not about building walls; they’re about creating a framework for living in alignment with our values. When we courageously establish and honor boundaries, we actually give ourselves the gift of freedom, as Nedra Glover Tawwab so powerfully highlights in her book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself.
The book’s first line immediately caught my attention: “Boundaries will set you free.”
This statement encapsulates the profound truth that boundaries are not limiting—they are about knowing yourself and ensuring that your energy is directed toward what truly matters.
Healthy boundaries are rooted in having clear values, listening to your gut, and learning to say “no” comfortably. They also mean hearing “no” from others without taking it personally.
Tawwab’s book offers practical examples of how to set boundaries in different scenarios. For instance, with family, it might mean setting clear expectations about time spent together. In romantic relationships, it may involve open communication about needs and desires. At work, boundaries might look like saying no to additional responsibilities that jeopardize your work-life balance. In the realm of social media and technology, it might mean limiting screen time to protect your mental health.
The beauty of boundaries is that they’re not one-size-fits-all; they’re different in different scenarios and for different people. What matters is that they reflect your authenticity and honor your values. Listening to others and doing my best to honor my own needs have helped me make meaningful progress toward creating healthy boundaries..
Progress, not perfection, is key in establishing healthy boundaries.
When I first read Tawwab’s book in 2022, I found myself underlining, starring, and marking countless passages that deeply resonated. It was a transformative experience that sparked my journey toward understanding and practicing value-driven boundaries. I grew to embrace that setting boundaries is an act of self-care. It was about knowing who I am - strengths and weaknesses - and taking intentional steps to honor my well-being. It was about creating a life of balance, energy, and authenticity.
Tawwab dedicates her book to “those of us who are gaining freedom through unapologetic, healthy boundaries.”
Here are three of my top takeaways from this ongoing practice of honoring my values through setting boundaries. Notice that I often indicate that I’m “trying” – it’s a marathon not a sprint – and I’m progressing and learning every day.
1. Letting Go of the “Fix-It” Mindset
One of the most liberating lessons I’ve learned is to resist the automatic urge to “fix” situations. Fixing implies judgment—that something is broken and that I am responsible for repairing it. Instead, I’ve tried to embrace the mindset of offering support, not advice. This subtle but profound shift allows me to ask what is needed rather than assuming that I know the answer. It allows better communication and strengthens relationships.
2. Spending Energy with Purpose
Energy and time are some of our most valuable resources. I’ve learned to direct my energy and time toward actions that are purposeful, within my control, and aligned with my values. This means trying to let go of time wasted on worrying or making assumptions. Instead, I try to focus on what truly matters, creating a sense of flow in my daily life. Prioritizing actions that align with my values and communicating needs effectively have reduced stress and increased my sense of well-being.
3. Understanding the Concept of “Enough”
“Enough” is my guiding word for 2025. It challenges me to define what is sufficient for my well-being so that I don’t succumb to burnout, ingratitude, or judgment. Living with “enough” means being present, appreciating what I have, and resisting the urge to chase the next shiny object. It’s a practice of gratitude and mindfulness that helps me stay grounded.
If setting and communicating boundaries are areas you’d like to grow in, I’d love to support you. Let’s connect and explore how coaching can make a difference for you.
In your corner,
Linda