Life often presents us with circumstances beyond our control—unexpected job losses, global events, other people’s choices. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
Viktor Frankl wisely observed, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing … to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”
Clarity comes when we recognize that while we can’t control many things, we can control our attitude and choose how to respond. Control and choice are mental health skills worth practicing.
Think of control as three concentric circles:
What you can control – Your actions, mindset, and choices.
What you can influence – How you communicate, the energy you bring into situations, and how you show up for others.
What you can accept or let go – External events, other people’s decisions, and circumstances outside your reach or influence.
This framework allows us to shift our energy from frustration to empowerment. When we recognize what is within our control, we reclaim our agency and can make intentional choices that align with our deepest values. Understanding this distinction is not just about reducing stress—it is about embracing choice. The ability to choose within our values is a strength. It is a core principle for a healthy and adaptive mindset.
When we feel as though we have no control or no choice, we risk slipping into a fixed mindset—one that keeps us mired in frustration. It’s like quicksand: the more we struggle against what we can’t change, the deeper we sink. However, when we acknowledge that even in difficult circumstances we do have choices, we tap into a reservoir of personal power.
Additionally, understanding what we can and cannot control helps us use our energy wisely. Too often, we waste emotional and mental energy on things beyond our influence—ruminating on unfairness, replaying negative scenarios, or resisting inevitable changes. By redirecting our energy toward actions that align with our values and goals, we cultivate resilience and forward momentum rather than burnout and frustration.
Choosing to Move Forward with Intention
When faced with difficulty, the question becomes: How do I move forward in a way that aligns with my values?
Let me give you an example of how I recently applied the skills of control and choice in my professional life. There is a worldwide movement for coaches to use our professional training to support those who have just lost federal jobs or are in the middle of chaos in their world because of the government's recent actions. Because I can control how many clients I see a week, I chose to add additional clients and offer some pro bono sessions. This was an action that moved my mindset from frustration and feelings of helplessness to empowerment.
Action: Your Next Step
Take a moment to reflect on a current challenge in your life. Ask yourself:
What parts of this situation are within my control?
How can I move forward with action in alignment with my values?
Where am I spending energy that could be redirected toward something more productive?
Where can I influence the outcome?
What must I release?
By distinguishing between these elements, you create space for intentional action. Instead of wasting energy on what you wish were different, you can direct it toward meaningful choices that support your well-being and growth.
Recognizing and embracing choice within your values is a profound strength—one that leads to resilience.
In your corner,
Linda